The uncomfortable comfort of not taking risks

There is a kind of comfort that brings no peace, no joy, and no growth, yet still keeps many people stuck. It is the uncomfortable comfort of staying where you are, even unhappy, feeling fear of the unknown.

Many people are not okay with their choices, their relationships, or their routines. They know something needs to change. They know other possibilities exist. And yet, they cannot act. Not because they are unaware of their suffering, but because the unknown feels more threatening than the pain they already know.

From a psychological perspective this makes sense. The human brain prefers what is predictable over what is healthy. What is familiar activates the threat system less, even when it is painful. The new on the other hand, triggers anxiety, fear, and a sense of loss of control.

Over time, suffering begins to feel "safe." The person learns how to live with that specific pain. They know what to expect, how to adapt, how to protect themselves - at least minimally. The unknown, however, brings a nameless pain, and that is frightening.

In clinical practice, it is common to hear phrases like:

"I know I’m not happy, but at least I know how it is."

"I’m afraid to change and regret it."

"What if I try and it goes wrong?"

These statements reveal that the fear is not only about change itself, but about failure, guilt, disappointment, and often about taking responsibility for one’s own life.

Subtle clinical examples

• Relationships: A person stays in an unsatisfying relationship for years. They don’t feel seen or chosen, but think: "I’ve invested too much already,” "I don’t know how to be alone,” “What if I don’t find someone better?” "I’m already too old to start over.” The relationship brings no joy, but it brings predictability.

• Work: Another person hates their professional routine, lives exhausted and frustrated, but doesn’t allow themselves to seek something different. The idea of starting over triggers thoughts like: "I’m not capable,” "I should already be successful,” "I can’t afford to fail now.”

• Personal life: There are also those who live on autopilot, postponing important decisions, taking care of everyone around them while abandoning themselves. Life goes on, but the feeling is one of merely surviving.

In all these cases, not acting feels safer than acting. But this "safety" can lead to apathy, resentment, chronic sadness, and the sense of a life unlived.

It is important to remember: not choosing is also a choice. Staying where you are builds a path - even if silently.

The role of therapy

Therapy does not push anyone into impulsive change. It helps to:

• differentiate real fear from learned fear

• understand the beliefs that sustain paralysis

• expand awareness of possible choices

• build small, realistic movements with achievable goals

  
  

Change does not require the absence of fear. It requires awareness, emotional responsibility, and support. Sometimes, the first step is not changing everything - it is stopping the abandonment of yourself.