Why are relationships so “liquid” today?

We live in an era where people intensely want to love, but are increasingly unable to sustain a relationship.

This contradiction has been called liquid love, inspired by sociologist Zygmunt Bauman, and it describes our current landscape well: fragile bonds, easily discarded, where the search for love exists, but the emotional willingness to build that love is limited.

The imagined ideal vs. real love

Today, many people enter a relationship carrying unrealistic expectations about what it means to love. They want it to be:

• light,

• naturally effortless,

• filled with constant chemistry,

• free of conflict,

• intuitive (where the other person magically knows their needs),

• perfectly aligned from the beginning.

  
  

This fantasy is reinforced by social media, idealized romance, performance culture, and the promise that "a good relationship is easy.”

But the truth is: passion creates the illusion of perfection; love requires construction.

When the real shows up - with differences, vulnerabilities, annoying habits, and opposing needs - many interpret it as failure, not as part of the process.

Many couples break up not because they’re incompatible, but because they can’t sustain the transition from the ideal to the real.

Passion is mistaken for love

Passion is chemistry, immediate, and intense.

Love is construction, consistency, and daily choices.

Passion idealizes.

Love sees.

Passion wants to feel.

Love wants to build.

So when the adrenaline fades and everyday life arrives, many believe that "the love is gone,” when in reality love is just beginning to appear.

The anxiety to love vs. a low tolerance for frustration

We live in the emotional paradox of modern life:

People deeply want to find love, but have very little tolerance for the discomfort required to build it.

At the first sign of conflict, failure, disagreement, or frustration, the common reaction is to walk away. Not because the connection lacks potential, but because it:

• requires communication,

• requires adjustment,

• requires vulnerability,

• requires emotional responsibility,

• requires facing one’s own emotional patterns.

  
  

In other words: it requires relational maturity.

“It wasn’t how I imagined”

When one partner stops trying to be what the other idealizes, the real person emerges and many people panic. Suddenly, they see that the other person:

• has insecurities,

• isn’t perfect,

• has annoying habits,

• thinks differently,

• has limits,

• doesn’t fulfill every expectation.

  
  

And then comes the sentence I hear all the time in therapy:"It wasn’t how I imagined.”

This is often the moment when many people walk away - not because love doesn’t exist, but because effort feels frightening.

But long-lasting relationships are not about "perfect compatibility,” but about learning how to be compatible.

Liquid relationships are the result of low frustration tolerance + high expectations of perfection.

Couples who stay together aren’t "perfect.” They simply understand that love is not a "magical encounter” but a daily construction.