We won't always agree: how to cope with conflicts in relationships

She wanted to talk. He wanted silence.

After a misunderstanding during dinner with friends, Ana was irritated by the way Daniel responded to a question about their relationship. She felt he exposed their intimacy unnecessarily, but to him it was just a straightforward answer, unintentional as he has no problem discussing his private life in front of friends.

When they got home, Ana wanted to talk about what she felt. Daniel was tired and uncomfortable with the tense atmosphere so He preferred to lock himself in his room and wait for it to "pass."

The next day, the two were still distant. Neither knew exactly how to reconnect and frustration was growing. They loved each other, but they couldn't seem to break out of the same cycle: one gets hurt, the other pulls away and neither feels truly heard.

If you've ever experienced something like this (or similar) know that you're not alone. Every couple experiences conflict. And the most important thing isn't to avoid it, but to learn how to deal with it in a healthier way.

Conflict is not the villain

Sometimes, just hearing the word "conflict" makes us think of something bad. But in reality, it can be an opportunity for growth. When resolved well, a disagreement can bring a couple closer together, generate greater understanding, and even strengthen their bond.

What gets in the way most of the time is not the difference of opinion, but the tone, the words chosen and what is left unsaid .

In intercultural couples, conflicts gain more layers

When couples come from different cultures the chances of misunderstandings increase. A comment that's considered normal in one culture may seem offensive in another. The way people deal with emotions, time, and space can also vary greatly.

And then oftentimes the conflict isn't just about what happened, but also about how each person learned to react to difficult situations .

Avoidance is not always the solution

Some people prefer not to talk about what's bothering them. Others feel the need to resolve everything immediately. These differences are common, but when ignored they can spiral into a cycle of frustration.

The important thing is that the couple finds a way to deal with conflicts that works for both of them. This involves listening, respect, and a willingness to compromise when necessary.

Some questions that help in these moments:

• What am I really feeling right now?

• What am I trying to say behind the complaint?

• What is the other person trying to show me with this reaction?

• Are we fighting about the problem or how it was brought about?

These questions don't solve everything, but they help you get out of "attack and defense" mode and into "let's understand what's going on to reduce the chances of arguing over the same thing?".

And when nothing seems to work?

Sometimes even with great effort conflicts keep recurring. It's as if the couple always ends up in the same place, even when starting conversations with good intentions.

In these cases, couples therapy can help identify the patterns behind the arguments, improve communication and create healthier agreements.

Conflict is also care

Resolving a conflict is an act of caring for the relationship. It means both of you are still trying. And trying together with listening and respect is a huge step in building a more conscious and connected relationship.